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Becoming a fetish model

September 10, 2009 question from slaykitty

Im a model, and I think Im pretty good at it, and I want to move from just doing tfp, and stuff like that to paid work ,and fetish modeling.... so how do I do that? I think I have a good look, and there is no shortage of photographers who want to shoot me nude, but I would like to move on up (as the saying goes), into alt and fetish work, it dosent even have to be paid work really, but I'd like to work with more photographers, and maybe even clothing designers. Any idea how I can reach this? ~Sarah Slaykitty
Dear Slaykitty,

There is a saying that can be applied to any undertaking: "life gives what you ask of it and nothing more." If you truly want to be a model, you must desire it in your heart. Modeling is very competitive and there is no shortage of pretty faces who want to be in front of a camera.

If modeling is your passion and desire, you will have be persistant and tenacious. Contact the photographers whose work you admire. Continue to improve and build your portfolio. Reach out to clothing companies, products, websites, magazines, and other businesses who may want to use your look. Develop friendships with other models and people in the industry.

Put your work on Zivity, Myspace, Facebook, FetishBuzz, and every place that will get you exposure. Put in as much time each day as you can. Don't be afraid to get no for an answer, and never give up. Success comes one step after most people give up. Make it your single focus to get the work you want, and it will happen.

Best of luck!

How to discuss a fantasy

November 14, 2008 question from Mr. Science

I've always had a fascination with domination and having a girl dress up for me. I love patent boots, vinyl corsets, etc. and would love for my girlfriend to experiment with this type of scenario. My girl is pretty conservative and I'm worried about how she might react if I told here this - I love my girl but I want to be more experimental - what's the best approach?
Dear Closet Domi-need,

Your fascination with domination is totally normal and you should feel comfort in knowing that your sexual preference rates among some of the highest and most common out there. Domination explores the more mental parts of BDSM where power dynamics are used as part of the erotic experience. In any stable and commited relationship, two people should feel comfortable sharing their preferences with each other. If you have reached a point in your relationship where you trust and feel you can be open with your partner, there should not be a fear of sharing your feelings and preferences with her. Besides, you should want her to accept you for who you are.

However, there is something to be said for easing into a conversation like that without shocking a conservative partner. You may want to start small by introducing her to some sex toys, buying her a corset that might be more to her liking, and later on probe her on her feelings about sexual play....take baby steps. Another great way to introduce her to more experimental ways of having sex is by having fun in the bed with her, make the bed and bedroom a place that she mentally thinks about as a fun area and a place she looks forward to going. It will put her in a good mood and make her feel more open about new sexual experiences. Later, as your relationship grows and becomes more stable and secure, you should begin having conversations about your preferences. Her feelings for you should be able to support whatever preferences you have.

Good luck Domi-need, both in your relationship and in your bed.

Fetish Modeling for the parents

November 06, 2008 question from Model in the Making

I've been fetish modeling for a couple years, and I just graduated from school. Recently while searching for a job, a friend offered me an opportunity to work as a dom. I've been doing it for the last couple months, and it's more than enough to pay the bills, so I've stopped my job search, and focused more on my dream of modeling.

My question is - what should I tell my parents I'm doing? They are starting to wonder how I'm making ends meet, and I don't know how to explain to them what I do. I don't have sex with clients, and I don't feel bad about it, but I'm not sure how they would handle it and if I should be open with them.
Dear Model in the Making,

There are some factors that are important here - depending on how old you are, my answer would vary on whether or not you should disclose to your parents what you're doing. Are you 16, 22, or 32?

Assuming you're of a reasonable, consenting adult age, and you have a good head on your shoulders, it really just depends on how conservative your parents are and how open-minded they would be to what you're doing. Some parents are permissive and allow their children to find their own way, rather than trying to make their children do what they want. At the other end of the spectrum is the more authoritarian parenting style, which usually results in rebellion at some stage in the child/teen's development. Most parents fall somewhere in-between. You need to ask yourself how open you think your parents will be to receiving information of this type.

If your parents fall more towards the authoritarian, conservative style, and you want to share with them how you're paying the bills, perhaps you might want to start by telling them about your modeling, give them some time to get used to the idea, then over time slowly drop hints about the type of fetish modeling you're doing and eventually let them know that you have clients that pay for you to spend time entertaining them, go over how your safety is protected, and that under no uncertain terms is sex involved. You will need to spend time explaining this to them, no matter what type of parents they are.

On the other hand, you could simply not tell them.

Good luck, Model in the Making!

Coming out of the fetish closet

November 01, 2008 question from Closet Fetishist

I've recently had an epiphany decided decided to share with the world the fact that I have a fetish. I'm coming out of my fetish closet - the one filled with rubber and latex. How should I go about sharing this news with friends and family, and do you think there are situations where it may be inappropriate to do so - ie: coworkers or professional relationships?
Dear Closet Fetishist,

First, think about with whom you want to share this information. For friends, it should be people in your close circle, who are open and accepting and with whom you think you will maintain a long-term relationship. No need to share something potentially embarrasing that could be hurtful if that person won't be around in the long term, or if they are generally going to be unaccepting of your preference. For family, refer to my previous entry where I discuss opening up to family members about fetishes.

Other than people in your close circle of friends, because this is a personal - and I emphasize personal - preference, one that not everyone will understand or accept, I would suggest that you keep the sharing to those only close to you, who you call friends. No co-workers allowed. Even coworkers who are friends are not allowed. There's too much of a danger of this interfering with your work, and you HAVE to see those people every day, you have no choice in the matter. I can't emphasize how important it is to keep coworker relationships at a comfortable level.

Second, think about why you want to share this information. Are you looking for a support network? Do you want to feel closer to your friends/family? Do you feel like you have to live your life openly and honestly and thus want to tell this important part of your life to them?

I suspect those around you who are close to you already know or have some suspicion about your fetish already, and whether you want to go to your family members and tell them directly is up to you, but think about looking into a support system of people who have fetishes or finding friends who share your preference. I don't necessarily mean an online group but personal interaction where you meet and interact with others. Who knows, it could open up a whole new avenue of interesting ideas for you....

Communicating fetish

October 29, 2008 question from Fearful Latex Fetish Guy

I've been dating my GF for 6 months and the relationship is getting very serious. Recently we had a bumpy time, and she communicated to me that I wasn't being open enough with my feelings. As a result, I have been much more open and communicating to a greater extent with her. This has had very positive effect on our relationship and both of us are much happier and the relationship is back on track.
Dear Fearful Latex Fetish Guy,

It sounds like you two have a healthy and communicative relationship, one in which both you and your GF have been able to express your needs and desires to each other in an open and honest way. Why stop now? Go ahead and let her know what you crave. She's been willing and accomodating this far, which is more than probably what the average girl would be willing to do. My guess is she would be willing to participate in more of your fetish preferences. If it becomes a "drag" or if she becomes "overwhelmed" by your desires, my guess is given her past history of communicating her needs to you, she would probably let you know. Who knows, maybe she might even like it.

Fetish blogger boy

October 23, 2008 question from Photobuff

Dear Landers, I'm a photography buff and have an online blog. A lot of my postings have to do with photography and photo critiques. On numerous occasions I have written about attractive photos of girls and what I like about the shots - this includes technical criteria such as lighting or posing, but also includes what I find attractive about the women themselves. My girlfriend knows I think she is beautiful, but sometimes I worry she will take offense or feel threatened by my postings. I want to feel completely free to post anything I want, what is your advice?
Dear Photobuff,
Here is my list of must-do's:
  1. Make sure you make your girlfriend feel like she is beautiful, and that you view her as the most beautiful girl you know or could ever know. Imbue in her a sense of confidence that you want her and her only.
  2. Occasionally include her as the subject in some of your photos. Let's face it, all women like to be viewed as beautiful even if it means at some level that they are being objectified.
  3. I say continue to post and take photos but remember this is a dangerous area which women are naturally inclined to take offense to and it is simply natural for her to feel threatened, especially when her man is openly commenting on other women.
However, hopefully she will feel confident enough in your feelings for her that your noting the attractiveness of other women, which simply exists regardless of whether she wants it to or not, will not matter so much.

Three's a crowd

October 09, 2008 question from Bedtime Playmate

My boyfriend and I have talked in the past about adding a girl to our bedroom activities, however, recently when I asked him about bringing home a girlfriend of mine he seemed hesitant and uninterested. I would like to try it and I don't know why he's feeling like he doesn't want to do it. What's going on, and what's your recommendation?
Dear Bedtime Playmate,
Most guys would love to have a girl like you around. Sounds like he's all talk and no action. You've asked him and he seems "hesitant and uninterested" which could mean a lot of things. Is he afraid of hurting your feelings? Is he hesitant of harming the relationship? Is he just trigger shy? Is this his first time doing something like this?

You could of course, just try just bringing your friend home and see what happens, but since he seems so hesitant to actually engage in the behavior that he was so williing to talk about, that might lead to disaster and hurt feelings on the part of your friend and boyfriend.

Figure out what's going on but don't push him. Threesomes are the kind of sexual activity some people just don't feel comfortable actually doing, but would rather talk about. If he does want to do it, you guys could have a lot of fun together! If he doesn't, then you could have fun just talking about it and fantasizing, which is also a lot of fun and could help the two of you explore potential you didn't know you had!

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